dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
