I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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