I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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