if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
