Soap is not a condiment
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize