ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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