90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
