You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
