i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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