fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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