a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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