I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
