Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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