No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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