If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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