and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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