The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i dont even know how to be here
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
