I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
