i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
