i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
