So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
