i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
