Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
