i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
