I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
