yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
