He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I got her a Nickelback box set.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
