meet me or not, i'm out of control
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
