Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
