I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
