i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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