Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
