I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
