Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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