I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
