he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
