ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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