If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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