So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
