I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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