Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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