How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I believe in your delicious
So. Much. Porn.
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