it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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