His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
