At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
