she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
