I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
