I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
