I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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