This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
