U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize