I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
