went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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