How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize