you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
