The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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