I showed him my bush... on skype.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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