he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
