I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Too much gin, very little bucket
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
