i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
