I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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