Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize