dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
