I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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