guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
