I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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