I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
