guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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