i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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