I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
