All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
