she woke up with a sticky ear
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
