Princesses don't give blow jobs
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
