Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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